Got 10 minutes to kill? Go read END’s product descriptions for these Novesta Star Master Sneakers. Every color has its own unique write-up, and they’re all (lovably) ridiculous:

“Aged like a fine wine, the Novesta Star Master continues to mature – growing older and looking better.”

“Sure to turn your friends green with envy, Novesta’s Star Master paints its blank canvas in royal emerald greens.”

“A sweetened-up Star Master with a cherry on top, Novesta add fruity red canvases to the rubber shoe’s original recipe.”

FRUITY RED CANVASES. Even better than the descriptions are the shoes themselves which are made in Slovakia, have 100% cotton canvas uppers and vulcanized natural rubber soles, and only cost $59 a pop.

For price and purchase info, visit End Clothing.