A couple years ago, I experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I was having a Cinco de Mayo party at my house – no cultural appropriation, I promise – but drinks were had and a buddy/former college basketball player who was built more like an inside linebacker stopped by. I’m a pretty fast dude, and people knew that, but they were telling me he was faster. I strongly doubted this, so I challenged him to a race. Took my shoes off. Lined up in the middle of my street in front of everyone. AND HE ABSOLUTELY REKT ME. I fell at the end and scraped my knee and everything. Ego had never been so damaged. Wife almost left me out of shame. My point to this story is that I wish I had these National Athletic Goods Track Shorts – which are made in Canada out of breathable cotton jersey and fashioned after track and field designs from the ’50s – because they would have 100%, absolutely, unequivocally not helped me come any closer to winning that race. But, I would’ve looked damn good whilst being three arm’s-lengths behind him. Fuck, why did you guys make me relive that??
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