D’awww, look at these Kapital IVY Smilie Socks. With that little smiley face on the heel. They’re just too damn cute. Like a baby’s first fart. Only, these are made in Japan out of a cotton / hemp blend, and not from pureed peas and fermented breast milk. And they’ll only cost you $34, unlike a baby, which costs your youth, good looks, and sanity. Get ’em at Blue Button Shop.

For price and purchase info, visit Blue Button Shop.